Can you handle more than 3,600 hours of Games of the XXIX Olympiad? You don't even have to cut caffeine and get pedicures, as some Olympiad hopefuls have done. Instead, oil up the remote control and the mouse, and try these sit-down techniques instead.
Learn your numbers. Not just the stats: XXIX means 29, but 8/8/8 means luck tripled in Chinese (the number 8 is a
homonyn for the word "prosperity").
Practice staring. Don't miss the action. The difference between gold and silver can be measured by a 1,000th of a second, which How Stuff Works says says is 40 times faster than an eye blink.
Visualize the surroundings. Understanding an event's setting may give you an advantage. Try scanning the BBC Sport map.
Tune in. Pump yourself up by listening to the Olympic songs... all of them.
Memorize all 596 American athletes. From the track-and-field competitors to the team members of soccer, volleyball, and B-ball.
Focus on lesser sports. Everyone else will be watching to see if
swimmer Natalie Coughlin gets her fifth gold medal, or if
gymnast Morgan Hamm will keep clean. Instead, look for underdogs in events like
kayaking,
table tennis, or
fencing.
Learn to talk big. If you can't memorize the athletes, talk about grand visions, like the boxing's great reform, America's immigrant athletes, Olympic artistry, environmental algae monsters, and if a Chinese tactical force can possibly look intimidating riding Segways.
Dress the part. What's the point of being a capitalist if you can't buy Olympic spirit? Pay $2,000 for an official torch, or $38.20 for a Speedo Team USA brief. If you get the swim trunks, don't forget to make that Brazilian wax appointment.
